Curious Spuriosities

Battleship Bakong

While viewing this impressive structure from ground level, it struck me how much it seemed like some enormous naval vessel

Further reflections on Ogden Nash

Such quirky pith
dispensed forthwith

Grate Expectations

 

20 things to do when you’re really bored:

1. Count the knobbles on your knees
2. Start your autobiography
3. See how long you can hold your breath
4. Play Chopin’s Piano Concerto No. 1 on an invisible keyboard
5. Estimate how many times you broke each of the Ten Commandments in the last month
6. Watch an entire cable TV program in a language for which you have absolutely no knowledge
7. Count the number of times the word “and” appears in the book you’re currently reading. Then count the full stops (assuming the book you’re currently reading is not by e e cummings)
8. If you’re not currently reading a book, start one
9. And no, matchbooks don’t count
10. Wipe your bottom with your other hand
11. Do a crossword without using the clues... Just make them up -- but each word, both across and down, must be a real word
12. Build a LEGO mousetrap
13. Take your pulse
14. Introduce yourself as “Drago” at your next cocktail party. Use a thick Eastern European accent. If people persist and ask what your do, reply, “I will crush you.”
15. See how many Oreos you can stick in your mouth at once
16. See how many said Oreos you can ingest
17. See how many said Oreos you can digest
18. Put a stocking on your head and walk into a bank, liquor store, mini-mart or petrol station Stand patiently in the queue until it’s your turn and quietly and politely complete your desired transaction
19. Trim and shave your pubic hair into the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head
20. Go to a tailor and get yourself measured for a 3-piece suit. Keep returning for fittings until they ask you for money

A business concept for the noughties

It's called an ADD agency. We advise companies how to communicate with people blaming Attention Deficit Disorder for their inability to function as normal human beings. If they can absorb the core marketing message, anyone can!

Headlines to consist of basic one-syllable imperatives only.
Body copy not to exceed four words.
Imagery not to ascend beyond the bottom rung of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
Appeal straight to the brain stem. No high level cortical processing required.

• We buy spots within other ads, rather than within the actual TV program. Just a couple of seconds inside another 30-second spot. That's all we need.
• We purchase space on lolly wrappers, cereal boxes and softdrink cans.
• We pay schools to put posters up in detention halls.
• Run them during loading sequences on video games.
• Adorn walls of pool halls, rugby league clubs, etc. etc.

   

We... uh... cripes, where was I?

Never mind. Me want chocolate.

And then there was the time...

...I worked at an amusement park for manic-depressives. I was a ride attendant on the emotional rollercoaster.